Till Death Do Us Part
Road trips are a major part of the outdoors lifestyle. Mastering the art long drives on the highway getting from point A to point B as efficiently as possible. Within this process is the ole “Mimosa Flavorade”. The “Mimosa Flavorade” is the act of urinating into a Gatorade bottle (the larger bottles shown above have a wider access point for your Johnson). This allows for maximum time on the road by eliminating any rest stops. Because we all know what goes down in those bathrooms…
On a recent road trip from Los Angeles to Boise, Idaho, my wife finally experienced the “Mimosa Flavorade” first hand. We left a little before 10 p.m. and arrived at our first gas station around 2 in the morning. After a long conversation with the gas clerk who clearly was craving human interaction, I walked out to my wife holding a bag containing; Black Rifle Coffee, Gatorade, and a few water bottles. My wife woke up and asked why I needed a Gatorade bottle if we had multiple water bottles. Hence, we had the “Mimosa Flavorade” talk. She giggled and took the explanation as more of a joke. I emphasized this wasn’t a joke and she further laughed at the thought that this was a joke. After having a can of BRC and the Gatorade bottle, I felt the need to relieve myself. It was nearly 5 a.m. I placed my hand on my wife’s shoulder and gently said, “It’s time.” My wife instantly thought it was her time to drive, I looked her in her eyes and let her know that it was time to prove her loyalty as I shake the empty Gatorade bottle.
So begins the process… My wife was flustered (not in a good way). Her tone began to have a sprinkling of anger and confusion. I knew I was approaching a line that most husbands avoid crossing. Her glare shot daggers. Picture the scene in Trains, Planes, And Automobiles where Steve Martin looks at John Candy and sees him as the devil. That was exactly how I pictured my wife. I let her know that she had 2 options. Option 1, hold the steering wheel while I urinate into the bottle. Or, Option 2, in which I hold the steering wheel while she holds the bottle for me. She chose option 1. Once the process was over, she began to gripe her disgust in my actions. She also had the nerve to mention, “I’m surprised it fit in that small lid in the bottle.” Which hurt a little… I explained to her my desire for a drive with as little stops as possible all the while holding a Gatorade full of urine. After the deed was done, I realized how lucky I am to have a wife who loves me enough to allow the “Mimosa Flavorade”.